10 fingers and 10 toes

I remember when we first announced our pregnancy that people would always ask, I bet that you guys want a boy. David would always say, “if it has 10 fingers and 10 toes, we will be happy”. This common phrase struck me this morning as I was setting with Anna. She was moving quite a bit and I kept looking at her fingers and toes. They are perfect, all 20 of them. I reflected back to when we found out she was a girl, we were happy. We are still happy. Overjoyed by the birth of our baby just like any other parents would be. I think that this is hard for some people to grasp because they could not imagine being in our position. A week ago, I could not imagine being in our position. I am not sad. I am not mad. I am overjoyed to have baby and I will continue to do whatever it takes for this beautiful child. Sometimes it is hard as I walk back and forth to the nursery. I always get the pity looks. Thats the Mom with the baby on the vent who is “rooming in”. I do not expect people to feel sorry for me. Even though I can not hold her and only sometimes can I touch her, I have her here on this earth with us. It has been difficult emotionally at times but for the most part there are more good moments than bad. This experience happened for a reason and I do not ever expect to know why. I just keep my faith in God and let him guide me as we continue on this difficult adventure.

Jessica