The Walk

Every time I leave the room to go the the nursery it is the same walk. 10 steps, turn right, 5 steps, slight right, 5 more steps, slight right, 42 steps straight, turn left at the labor and delivery nurse's station, 26 steps, turn left, 15 steps and then you are in front of the Special Care Nursery door. Scrub in. Ring the doorbell. Wait. They open the door. Turn right and proceed to Anna's area. This is the walk I make so many times each day. It seems to get shorter every day and I do not know if that is a good or bad thing. I do know that every time I have the same feelings. What will the news be when we arrive. Has there been any decline? What changes are they making? Is she still with us? All of these thoughts go through your head. I have gotten pretty good at the routine to know when certain test are going to be taken and try to be there when she is turned and assessed. When I leave the walk back is the same just different thoughts. Sometimes I come away overwhelmed and scared and sometimes I am optimistic and dream of what positive news the next visit will bring.

As of late Sunday evening Anna is still stable and making small improvements. They are going to continue to monitor and test her levels every 4 hours and make changes as necessary over night. Tomorrow morning she will be seen by the Dr and Nurse Practitioner and they will establish the plan for the day.

Jessica

Security Blanket

I am 32 years old and carry around a blanket and Rosary. I do not go to far without them. It has become my comfort and I can not let go. The blanket, a gift for Anna from Grandma Trinko and the Rosary beads are actually my nephew RJ's. These two items are vital for me right now and I do not know if I will ever part with them.

People keep asking how we are coping, sometimes it is the the little things that are helping us get through some of these very big moments.

Jessica

Big Sister Lissie

The visit to the hospital by our children today was more for David and I. We just need the opportunity to see our girls and spend some time with them. It turned out that Lissie wanted to come to the hospital for a reason too. After a unsuccessful and some what traumatizing attempting to introduce Lissie to her little sister earlier in the week, we thought that she would not want to see her again today. I was wrong. She asked is she could go and we got some special privileges for Big Cousin Emma to join her. They both did great and were very "brave" They asked a lot of question and I tried to explain to the best of my ability. Lissie also drew a picture for Anna which is prominently displayed in her crib. I am also proud of Lissie and hope that tomorrow she wants to again visit Anna so she can feel like she is part of the baby's life.

Jessica

Pringles?

It is a well know fact that the middle Trinko child will eat anything. She loves fruits, veggies, meats and even dirt and grass and she can get the opportunity to eat it. But one food that has never been offered to Jill is Pringles Potato chips. Well now it seems that Jill loves Pringles and that is what she wants if she sees them. Grandma (or Baba as she is refered to by her 6 grandchildren) decided to give her chips. On the ride to Toledo from Ottawa late last week, my Mom was traveling with the girls and when Lissie was eating chips in the car, Jill was not happy that she did not have a snack. My Mom asked Lissie is Jill ate chips and Lissie said sure and shared. Lets just say potato chips were not a food that Jill consumes seeing as she has 5 teeth. Baba tends to spoil little girls and I am just glad that the girls are being well loved. David and I enjoyed seeing Lissie and Jill today. Jill seemed not so terrified by the situation today and was willing to warm up to Mommy. I needed those hugs today and I am thankful that Aunt Kelli and Uncle Matt were willing to bring them down for a visit. We had a first family diner together since early last week. We are looking forward to many more. The plan at this point is for the girls to visit the hospital again tomorrow. We are fortunate that we had the long holiday weekend where many people were available to help because they were not working. Tuesday brings new challenges with work and school schedules but I believe that we have good plans to keep the girls on a somewhat regular schedule while we continue to be at Anna's side.

Jessica

Bis Sisters and Kieper Cousins VIsit

The energy level in Room 19 is really high especially after all 5 kids enjoyed some Starbucks whipped cream. My sister Kelli and I are entertaining the kids while David and my brother-in-law Matt enjoy some Sunday Afternoon football along with some wings and a beer. Wow, no time for blog updates now.

(Pictured are Cousin Emma, Aunt Kelli and Big Sister Jill)

Jessica

One down.

Good news this afternoon. They were able to discontinue one of the medications that was being used. This medication was for blood acid levels which is related to the oxygenation of her blood. Also they decreased the medication that is sedating her so we might start to see a little more movements as the day goes on. Also the pressure of the ventilator has been decreased. Slowly but surely we are making improvements.

More good news. The hospital census is down so I get to stay in this room even though I am not a patient. My room is in the mother and baby section and it is pretty empty. The Dr. told us this morning that he had 9 people that he discharged today. I have to walk through labor and delivery to get to the special care nursery. As of right now there is no one in labor and delivery and I check the board everytime I walk by. We will just hope that there is not an influx of women in the Lima area that go into labor so that I can keep my room for a couple of more days.

I do not want to get to anxious but I am so longing for the moment to hold our beautiful baby. I know that she is so sick right now but all I want to do is hold her in my arms. I know that day will come soon. Anna is now 5 days old and I have still yet to hold her in my arms.

Again thank you to everyone for your prayers. I hope that this blog helps everyone feel like they are informed of her status. It is also a wonderful outlet for me and I am sorry if I get a little "rambly" at times.

Jessica

I do not want to let go.

I constantly tell Anna to hang on. She definitely was today,

Things are continuing to improve. I keep praying that the good Lord will help little Anna's lungs and heart to get strong and allow her to breath without difficulty.

Jessica

Who does she look like?

Does she look just like Jill? We get that question quite frequently. It is really hard to tell but she is definitely her own person. Jill has very similar features to David and it appears that Anna might have taken on some of Mom's features. I think she looks alot like big sister Lissie. She definitely has my nose and face shape. She is quite swollen today do to all of the fluids that they are giving her but they said as soon as they remove the vent that should go down. They did weigh her this morning and she is up to 7 lbs 9 oz but that is all the fluid she is retaining and they stated that she will loose that quite rapidly when she is breathing on her own.

Jessica

Proud Parents

This morning we are proud of our little miracle. She is making positive progress and we were told that today they are going to make so changes to see how she can tolerate a little less support. This is excellent news and scary at the same time. They have been focusing on keeping her stable so it is frighting that although they feel she is ready to move on to the next steps it is also terrifying that she will not respond well to one of the changes that they make.

Jessica

Good Morning

Anna had good night. I could not sleep after I woke up at 5:00 AM so I made the trip down the nursery. I met the Nurse Practitioner rising from her sleep. We walked in together and she was able to give me her assessment of the situation.

She did very well through the night. They are going to start off the day get a whole new set of "numbers" and then decide what they are going to do from there.

The 6:15 Mass was a beautiful experience. The message of the Mass was how Baptism brings new life.

We are optimistic to that another positive day.

Jessica

The birth announcement

I know I've been getting my name in the newspaper for the better part of 15 years now on a nearly daily basis, but it's still cool to see your name on the birth announcements.
David Trinko

To go or not to go.

I know that the clock says that it is 3:55 AM. I know that I am tired. I want to go see my Baby Anna. The problem is that physically I am too tired to walk down to the Special Care Nursery by myself. I have called and the nurse assured me that she is still doing about the same and her blood gas levels are stable. Not too many changes overnight. She is getting her first good nights sleep tonight to prepare for Day 4 of her little life. We look for the Doctor to continue small changes and see how she responds today. I guess I will have to accept that I will stay in the room and wait for David to arrive so that we can go to Church. This is the biggest struggle for me, I want to be at her side at all times but I need to rest and relax to be able to recover from my c-section.

Jessica

Relaxing and Chilling

David and I went to visit Anna this evening. She looks very relaxed. We continue to get positive news about her status. They have taken many small steps today to reduce the concentration of the oxygen and pressure from the ventilator. Of course, she continues to heavily rely on the ventilator but has shown some signs this evening of wanting to take small breaths on her own. She is being sedated so they do not expect her to breath too much on her own.

I get one more night to stay in the hospital as a patient. Tomorrow is a new day. I personally can not leave this hospital while Anna is still supported with the vent. I think I may have some options that will allow me to stay in another area of the hospital so that I can stay close to Anna. They have some rooms that can be rented in the older part of the hospital. It is not a Holiday Inn but it will allow me to be close to her and available to be at her side in the case of any changes. I can not imagine at this point leaving St.Rita's and being in Ottawa.

I miss my two other girls so much. I know that they are in good hands and are being spoiled rotten. When I asked Lisse about her stay at Aunt Kelli's house she stated "Excellent" I do not think that we will get to see the older girls on Sunday but hopefully Monday we can have an opportunity to be together.

It is now time to get a good nights sleep (with the aid of a few relaxation drugs). I usually make a phone call to the nursery right before I fall asleep and if I wake in the night I always call to get an update.

David returned home this evening to get us some new clothes and sleep in a real bed. He will not be gone for real long because Mass is at 6:15 AM tomorrow morning.

Please continue to pray for Anna.

Jessica

Snacks

I do not know how it started but snacking has become an outlet for us. At each meal they bring in the tray (and an extra for David if they have one) and then it is like some sort of game as we pick and choose who gets what off th tray. I have gotten a little crazy on circling the menus and we usually have way too much food. In addition, my Mom has suppllied us with so many snack foods and Dr. Pepper and Diet Pepsi. Mealtimes for us are quite the experienace as we piece together our choices of foods. It is nice though becasue then David does not have to go to the cafateria and try to carry food back to the room. Since we had a dinner guest tonight (my Mom) we did order a Pizza and enjoyed the treat along with snacks.

Snazzy

As my Mom and I were walking down just before dinner, we ran into the Nurse Practitioner. Victoria has been wonderful today and all of the staff are so supportive of our family. They are compassionate and answer, without seeming annoyed, the zillions of questions that I ask. Having a minimal nursing knowledge allows me too be very curious although geriatric nursing is far different than pediatric nursing.

As I asked for an update she stated "She is Snazzy". I replied I like "snazzy" and I thought that was a word that we were happy to hear. The afternoon has gone well. We visited Anna for awhile and got a couple of finger squeezes and watched her toes move. They are keeping her sedated at this point because they need her lungs to heal and that is the most important thing at this point.

Jessica

Our Father

The Lords Prayers while holding hands. I think the words speak for themselves.

A Touch

Yesterday, we did not get closer than 3 feet to Anna except for when she was baptized. To not be able to touch your own child is an unfathomable nightmare.

As you can see by the picture, Mommy was allowed a moment to touch her child. No caresses. No lullabies. No Holding but a touch that felt amazing. Daddy also got the opportunity to touch his darling little girl but is anticipating when Anna can give him a good squeeze.

Jessica Trinko

Persistent Pulmonary Hypertension of a Newborn

No one's actually asked us what's wrong with Anna, which is a credit to your tact. But it seems like a good time to tell people.
We've found a great Web resource that seems to include everything we've heard from doctors, nurse practitioners and nurses since Wednesday on persistent pulmonary hypertension of a newborn:
http://www.persistent-pulmonary-hypertension-newborn.com/Persistent-Pulmonary-Hypertension.html
Here's the nuts and bolts version of it: The baby's systems work differently inside the womb than outside it. Usually when the baby's born, she starts working on the outside-the-womb scenarios with lungs, heart, etc. In our case, she's persistent in wanting to do things the in-womb way. The doctor's trying to nudge her to do it herself. But, as a Trinko, she's being stubborn.
David Trinko

Almost 72 hours old

We are still hanging on and making minor improvements. We are cautious that things can turn either way at any point but we take each hours progress and compare it to where we were from 24 hours ago. We stare at the beautiful baby girl and then stare at the monotir with her vital statistic. I never thought that a heart rate staying below 200, a pulse ox of 100 and a blood pressure in the 60 would mean so much to me. Also to sit in the nursery and not have any alarms go off for 1 hour is such an accomplishement.

David and I are still experience the many highs and lows and things are very difficult at times. We are trying to make the best of our situation by doing what we do best; a battle of whits (even though David in unarmed)

Jessica Trinko

Thank you

I know I can not fathom the amount of prayers that God has received for our little girl. She is in need of every extra assistance she can get, even her pedantic intensive care doctor stressed how much prayer was important in this situation. We appreciate everyone's thoughts and well wishes. We truly feel grateful for so many family and friends.
Jessica Trinko

Slumber party

Apparently slumber parties are good for the health of everyone involved.
With the other two kids safely at a relative's house and the next 24 hours pretty critical in Anna's life, I stayed the night in the hospital for the first time. I'm happy to say that Jessica got a fairly good night's sleep (six hours), and I got a fantastic night's sleep (eight hours).
Anna must have known it and decided to relax and let the care work. We haven't visited her yet today, but via the telephone we heard a good news update. Today should be a better day, with Anna taking over more of her breathing and life functions, instead of letting the machines do all the work for her. It's a very slow process, but we're optimistic. As we've heard, we must have courage and hope.
David Trinko

Stable

They really expect that I should sleep. I have this beautiful baby clinging to life 100 yards away and they are ordering me to go to bed. I know that there is nothing that I can do for her right now, but I struggle every time I walk out of the doors of the special care nursery. Yesterday was rough, a day I know I will never forget.

As Father Alphonse told me, I have to have hope because If I do not have hope then I am going to cause the others in my family and Anna's caregivers to lose hope also.

As of midnight her blood gas levels were improving and her pulse rate was stabilizing and her blood pressure was increasing. You can not imagine how many different apparatus they have on this little girl.

The next hours and day are critical, and we need everyone to please keep Baby Anna in your thought and prayers. We take every positive lab value as progress and have learned that staying the same or lowering to a number are all contributing to her recovery.

Big sisters Lissie and Jill are enjoying the weekend being spoiled and shuffled among loving relatives. We appreciate all of them.

Jessica Trinko

No pictures, please

Miss Anna seems to think she's a rock star today. No touching. No pictures. All drama.
In the second day of her young life, she's tested us in ways the other two kids haven't dreamt yet. There were moments when things seemed to be going perfectly. There were a lot more when we knew they weren't. It's been an extremely emotional day for both Jessica and I.
Fortunately, the end result is she's stable, and the doctor's optimistic. She remains on a ventilator, albeit a different kind than yesterday, and they hope to get her lungs to expand. Eventually, the goal is to have her breathing on her own, of course, but right now we're happy things are stable.
That's been the toughest lesson for both of us to learn. Sometimes things staying the same is progress. It doesn't seem like it should be. But we got a taste of a downward turn, and stable is much better than that.
A highlight of the day was when our parish priest, Father Alphonse, came to visit. I'm not sure he knew what he was in for, but he happened to come during one of the roughest patches of the day. He baptized Anna while she refused to breathe with the machine.
If you don't believe in miracles, here's another example. Since Anna's baptism, everything leveled off. She's stable. She's beautiful. And she's here for another day.
David Trinko

The first 24 hours

Welcome to the world Anna Marie Trinko. Born Wednesday August 27 at 8:10 PM.

Mom is doing well now and recovering. Anna was delivered at 36 weeks because Mom was suffering from severe pre-eclampsia and the Dr felt that it would be better to deliver baby rather than take the risk that Mom could have a seizure which could be fatal to both Mom and Baby.

Anna's little life is off to a rough start. She is currently in the Special Care Nursery at St. Rita's Hospital. She is getting very good care for her breathing issues. At this time she is on a ventilator to increase her lung strenght. The hope is that she can be taken off of the ventialtor in the next couple of days but probably wont be coming home for a couple of weeks.

Big sisters Lissie and Jill are doing well. Lissie got to meet her sister but she was a little overwhelmed by the whole experience She can not wait for her little sister to "get big".

Please keep Baby Anna is your thoughts and prayers.

Jessica Trinko