The Walk

Every time I leave the room to go the the nursery it is the same walk. 10 steps, turn right, 5 steps, slight right, 5 more steps, slight right, 42 steps straight, turn left at the labor and delivery nurse's station, 26 steps, turn left, 15 steps and then you are in front of the Special Care Nursery door. Scrub in. Ring the doorbell. Wait. They open the door. Turn right and proceed to Anna's area. This is the walk I make so many times each day. It seems to get shorter every day and I do not know if that is a good or bad thing. I do know that every time I have the same feelings. What will the news be when we arrive. Has there been any decline? What changes are they making? Is she still with us? All of these thoughts go through your head. I have gotten pretty good at the routine to know when certain test are going to be taken and try to be there when she is turned and assessed. When I leave the walk back is the same just different thoughts. Sometimes I come away overwhelmed and scared and sometimes I am optimistic and dream of what positive news the next visit will bring.

As of late Sunday evening Anna is still stable and making small improvements. They are going to continue to monitor and test her levels every 4 hours and make changes as necessary over night. Tomorrow morning she will be seen by the Dr and Nurse Practitioner and they will establish the plan for the day.

Jessica

Security Blanket

I am 32 years old and carry around a blanket and Rosary. I do not go to far without them. It has become my comfort and I can not let go. The blanket, a gift for Anna from Grandma Trinko and the Rosary beads are actually my nephew RJ's. These two items are vital for me right now and I do not know if I will ever part with them.

People keep asking how we are coping, sometimes it is the the little things that are helping us get through some of these very big moments.

Jessica

Big Sister Lissie

The visit to the hospital by our children today was more for David and I. We just need the opportunity to see our girls and spend some time with them. It turned out that Lissie wanted to come to the hospital for a reason too. After a unsuccessful and some what traumatizing attempting to introduce Lissie to her little sister earlier in the week, we thought that she would not want to see her again today. I was wrong. She asked is she could go and we got some special privileges for Big Cousin Emma to join her. They both did great and were very "brave" They asked a lot of question and I tried to explain to the best of my ability. Lissie also drew a picture for Anna which is prominently displayed in her crib. I am also proud of Lissie and hope that tomorrow she wants to again visit Anna so she can feel like she is part of the baby's life.

Jessica